Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
