Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How does one acquire holy water?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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