I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
