O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
