i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
