I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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