girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
