David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
