she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
