I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
