i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
