problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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