She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
