I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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