dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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