did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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