My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
