I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
