her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
