Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
