Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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