I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
