Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
