The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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