The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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