I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
