you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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