Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
