Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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