I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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