Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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