i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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