I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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