I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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