DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
