He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
