Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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