Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so that wasnt chicken after all
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
