we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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