i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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