You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
