Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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