one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
