moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
