break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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