First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
