so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
