Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
