so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
