Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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