We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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